Citizen’s Arrest

Bennett is having a BAD day today, behaviorally speaking, so I’m choosing to focus on one of his positive attributes. Deep breath…

Bennett has recently taken on a new hobby.

Some friends with kids a few years older than ours joked several years ago, when Luke was probably 2 years old, that someday, the “Stupid Police” would move in with our family. And sure enough, it happened before Luke was 3, when he started correcting us every time we said the word “stupid.” Of course, the list of offensive words grew as he did; words like hate, dead, idiot, dumb and many others joined the list. Thankfully, no real curse words were added! (I was glad to read of other parents experiencing this phenomenon, too.)

And for a while now, Bennett’s taken over the role as the captain of the Stupid Police. However, he’s taken this MUCH further than Luke ever did.

He now reports to me every time he sees someone smoking…this is usually when we’re driving and there’s someone in the car next to us committing an “offense.” We have the same conversation every time: “S/he is not a bad person, but s/he’s making a choice that isn’t very healthy. I hope that you don’t make that choice when you’re older.” Bennett always says, “Oh, I won’t,” as I whisper a prayer that my orally-fixated child who already bites his nails to the nubbins won’t pick up another bad habit.

The other “offense” he always reports to me is when he sees anyone, adult or child, riding a bike without a helmet. They get a second demerit if they also have the gall to stand up on their pedals while biking. This one really cracks me up.

Oh! I nearly forgot that there’s one more: he reports on every Cubs fan spotting like it’s his job.

Consider yourselves warned.

10 responses to “Citizen’s Arrest

  1. I’m LOL that Cubs fans get lumped in with the smokers and — GASP! — the standing-on-the-bike-pedals-while-they-ride crowd! πŸ˜€

    He’s a hoot!

  2. HILARIOUS! My kids are also the “God” police (saying the name in vain). But smoking is a biggie here, too. They can go on thinking it’s that bad as far as I’m concerned!

  3. i like that, the stupid police.
    kenny used to patrol who had kstate stuff either on or at their house. he would say something to the effect of, “mommy, they have a k-state flag on their house,” and then shake his head sadly. i think he actually felt bad for them.

  4. We have the EXACT same smoking conversation basically every time we leave the house. It never fails, we always see at least one person smoking.

    We also have the bad word police…..saying killed or dead is a BIG offense here. Andrew will give us a dirty look until we are finished talking to point out that we said a bad word. I guess at least he is polite to wait until we are finished talking!?! πŸ™‚

    Pointing out cubs fans….absolutely hilarious! LOVE it!

  5. My sister always used to observe the speed limit signs and inform my parents and grandparents that “UUUUUMMMM. . . you’re speeding!” πŸ™‚

    I am laughing because I still call out cub fans. . . see them a little less frequently here, which I am happy about. . . but tonight as I was leaving work, there was some kid waiting by his car in the parking lot with a cubs hat (to which I muttered aloud in the car to myself), “what is this Cubs kid doing here???”

  6. GO CUBS GO!! This is a great story!

  7. I’m glad they think smoking is bad, and stupid is a bad word! They can keep thinking that forever as long as I’m concerned! πŸ™‚
    My kids are also quick to inform me of stop signs & lights in case I don’t see them!

  8. Jill (thebaglady)

    This is a hilarious post! We have and are going through this too. However, as Lucas has grown up we are down on the opposite side of spectrum – everyone is an idiot or stupid, and his siblings need to shut up. SO, while Lucas thinks he’s Joe Cool, Blake is “Ohhhh-ing” at his vocabulary. Annoying for mommy.

  9. Very funny! I should be safe since I don’t smoke or ride a bike or like the Cubs.

  10. Yep, while I was taking the boys to IGA last wkend, Bennett hollered out when he saw a bike rider sans helmet! And as you know, both of the big boys gleefully call me on the carpet if the seatbelt dinger goes off if I’ve forgotten to immediately fasten myself in. Oh well, that’s good. Love the Cubs sightings!

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