Men, Avert Your Eyes. Now.

If you are male and you stuck around after that title, well, it’s your own darn fault.  I warned you. Come back tomorrow…I’ll talk about something less girly. Promise.

Today we are going to talk about something I loathe shopping for, but something that, unless you are a hippie, is an absolute must.  In the past, I’ve mentioned jeans in this same manner (however, hallelujah, I’ve found some great jeans at Express), but today, I’m talking about bra shopping.

I have a favorite bra, one that I discovered about a year ago, and it has changed my life.  OK, that’s drastic.  But, it’s the closest thing to a time machine that I can find, taking me back a few years to my pre-baby look.  Cause let’s face it, time might do some damage, but pregnancy really messes up your b**bs (whether you breastfeed or not).

Which lead me, about a year ago, to that famous store in the mall with all the secrets.  I’ve had bras from there in the past, but my love (the way they look)/hate (how much they cost) relationship with the store causes me to take a hiatus now and again and try to find a replacement at a department store (more on that later).  Anyway, at that mall store, I had one of the most humiliating dressing room experiences ever.  About six months after having Jack Henry, it was time for new bras. I had a fairly new girl working with me to find one that I liked and that fit.  I told her what I wanted, tried on several, and none were working.  So then she gets this bra that “fits everyone,” she gushed.  “You’ll love it…I’ve never had it not fit anyone.”  Well, I think you can see where this is going…of course, it didn’t fit me.  She brought in her manager, who re-measured me, had me try a few more (by now, I’m covered in scratches from taking off and on so many bras), and was stumped.  Lucky for me, it was closing time, and I’d had enough humiliation for one day, so I just said I’d be back.

A week or so later, they were having their semi-annual sale, and courageously, I decided to try again.  I found a bra on clearance that I decided I had to try…and wouldn’t you know it, I loved it!  It was one that they still carried (until very recently…grrr); they were just clearancing out a certain color.  However, the here’s the rub: this stupid thing at regular price costs $25.  Per b**b. But since I got it on sale for about $20, I bought it, and wanted more of them. Which was a substantial investment.

The whole not-wanting-to-take-out-a-second-mortgage-so-I-could-buy-some-new-bras concept lead me, a couple of weeks ago, to Kohl’s, where they have a huge selection. I hadn’t shopped there in a while for one, and I couldn’t help chuckling at the new Maidenform campaign which promises a “total bust makeover” instantly. Really, right here in the store, they’re going to get a makeover? Impressive. After trying on about 52 of them and realizing that none of them were like my VS ones, I gave up. And went back to the mall.

Where they now have a bra with memory foam. For, of course, around $50. If they remember what I looked like 10 years ago, we’re in business. And I’ll take 3, please.

21 responses to “Men, Avert Your Eyes. Now.

  1. You are hilarious. I actually had to go bra shopping the other day also. I did find some that I love at Kohls but the kicker was, I went down two cup sizes since before my pregnancy. I was not prepared for that one.

  2. Oh, this is one of my greatest frustrations.

    I’ve had some luck at Kohl’s, but my favorites are from VS. Unfortunately, finding comfortable bras in my “whilst pregnant” bra size is nearly impossible. THey’re either scratchy, but supportive, or soft and totally useless.

  3. ha – love this – I just went bra shopping too on Sunday – i tried on about 1 million bras at Kohls and found 3 that were suitable – i went to VS one time and the saleslady was NO help and after looking at the price tags and having nothing fit comfortably – walked out of the store without anything – but i have been told time and again from many women that VS Is the only way to go for bras — i guess i should try them again……

  4. Hilarious! Yes, bra shopping goes right up there with swimsuit shopping as The Most Frustrating Experience A Women Can Have. A few weeks ago I scored a $3 bra on a Kohl’s clearance rack that is the best I have ever owned! But wouldn’t you know it’s discontinued….Maybe I’ll give VS another try.

    • I should say – check ebay!! There are always NEW with tags bras on sale (people buy them on clearance and then resell), even VS ones…I’ve found a few of my favorite discontinued one for about $25 each, which I’m willing to pay, since I know I won’t be able to find them again.

  5. Gap Body has a nice selection, too. They’re almost as pricey as VS, but they’re super compfy and not ALL of them are of the va-va-voom push-up variety!

  6. Jill (thebaglady)

    Don’t you love our ever changing bodies before/during/after each pregnancy? I found the “nearly cup size” bras at Kohl’s. They seem to work for me. I refuse to pay VS prices – I don’t pay that much for shoes or jeans.

  7. (Fyi…not bragging, it actually really stinks!) I wish I could buy one at vs or that atleast they carried my size. That hasn’t been the case since early highschool! To get one for $50 means clearance! I shop on-line and found a great website. It is a little misleading because they carry all sizes. Every brand that I’ve tried so far fits really well. Good luck!

  8. Throw in 30 more years, nursing 2 of our 3 kids, losing & gaining a bizillion lbs. over the course of time (seriously), and here I am. I tried VS but left an unhappy camper. About 6 mo. ago, I made peace w/ one style of Olga and one style of Lilyette from Kohl’s, so I figure they’ll probably be discontinued.

  9. I’m going hippie.

  10. caution; men if you are still reading, well you are perverts, but i will not be replacing any “o’s” with “**’s.”

    it’s safe to say, i’m not well endowed…i didn’t get the nickname skeeter in high school for nothing. strictly pumping for adali took a major toll on my already little boobies. i struck gold last year when i stumbled upon bra at VS that fits me very well. no frills, no funky back fat spilling over AND it’s actually comfortable. i’m not sure which ones at VS you tried but the one that worked for me was the biofit. if you get on their mailing list somehow you periodically get coupons for $10 off of their bras. you may still need to take out a second mortgage just to buy a few but it helps i guess.

    good luck!

  11. Hi Nicole! Andrea turned me on to your blog and I just love reading it. I haven’t left a comment before, but I just HAD to respond to this post:) I can so relate to everything you wrote, and I still don’t have a solution either. I always feel like a freak of nature when getting a bra fitting b/c I’m told I’m one size only to try it out and realize I’m clearly not that size. The sales girls are never quite sure what to do with me either. Since, I’m mid-pregnancy I feel like a well fitted bra is a daily struggle for me. Just when I find something that works, I grow out of it. I’m not really sure how to address this either b/c I still have a ways to go in my pregnancy and I’m sure they wont be getting any smaller. From what you said, it sounds like I have lots to look forward to when it comes to bra shopping post baby as well-ha! If you have any tips on bras during pregnancy I would love to hear them, b/c I’m tired of replacing bras month to month and just being so darn uncomfortable!

    • I emailed Neeley, but for any other mamas-to-be out there: bra extenders were a lifesaver for me while pregnant. You can get them at Walmart in the fabric department. They look like this.

  12. I have never had children and barely have b**bs, but I enjoy VS because they give the illusion that I actually do have something. Yes, I am a slave to them. . .

    P.S.–I just noticed that you can “like” blogs (like facebook) on Google Reader (as someone “liked” your blog). . . how have I never noticed this?

  13. Hee hee!! I have never liked VS bras – I’m one of those girls like you who they’re probably measure 100 times and still not find one to fit me… but I LOVE GapBody bras – especially the lightly lined t-shirt style… go check one out – and if you don’t mind funky colors, there are usually some on the clearance rack for $15 – now that’s a price I can handle…

  14. yay for neeley being a poster!!!! this post is seriously shocking to me–that bra shopping is so traumatic! i have small b**bies and don’t even try bras on before i buy them! wow, i guess i have another thing coming after babies! yikes!

  15. Back fat, back sausage…call it what you will. It all looks the same – AWFUL. I love my VS bras, but like you, am hard pressed to spend $25 per b**b. I found one pumped full of air at Kohl’s that I don’t hate. Also, Calvin Klein makes the most comfortable bras out there. NO ELASTIC in the band, thereby mostly eliminating the sausage. I know what you’re thinking…”CALVIN KLEIN? I just went from $50 to $80 for a bra!” But no…find an outlet mall. I just got one for $28 bucks and I’m in love with it. They also make some super comfy undies that don’t cut into the b*tt fat, giving you four cheeks. Sorry…TMI??

  16. I’m laughing!

    When I put my VS bra on (no padding…but oh how they hold the ‘girls’ up) I swear I hear angels singing. 🙂

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