This may or may not have come from personal experience with my own almost-2-year-old.
Step 1: Tiptoe to kitchen.
Step 2: Open dishwasher as quietly as possible, so as not to alert the almost-two-year-old to your presence.
Step 3: Begin in earnest to unload dishwasher, starting with anything that can maim toddler.
Step 4: Four seconds later, force smile and greet toddler with “Hi (name)! I’m glad you’re here! You’re SUCH a good helper!”
Step 5: Momentarily enjoy the grin on toddler’s face because you know you just made him feel really important.
Step 6: Return to dishwasher, focusing first on silverware. Cringe as toddler hands you silverware embossed with his sticky fingerprint.
Step 7: Move along to anything glass on the bottom rack of dishwasher, like plates and bowls. Gather everything you can in one fell swoop.
Step 8: Bang leg hard into corner of dishwasher door while lunging for the one glass bowl you didn’t get in the first round, which your toddler is now holding out to you with one hand.
Step 9: Curse under your breath, cause, darn it, that really hurt, and it’s gonna leave a mark.
Step 10: Remove cups from dishwasher.
Step 11: Laugh at toddler who does a pretty good job of shaking the excess water off the cups, even if the floor is now wet enough that it might be a good idea to get out the mop. Hey, two birds, one stone.
Step 12: When dishwasher is empty, allow toddler to close it.
Step 13: Thank toddler profusely for his help, and send him along to find his brothers to play.
Step 14: Open dishwasher as quietly as possible to reload with dirty dishes, praying that the toddler doesn’t return to unload things for you…