Dear Christopher Columbus,
Thank you so much for sailing the ocean blue in 1492, and “discovering” America, where people already lived even though Europe pretended that was not the case. Really, what I’m thankful for is that it’s a bank holiday, which means that Matt is off work and I get to go out for breakfast at First Watch for Key West Crepeggs.
[In other Columbus Day news, this status update from Matt’s cousin Becca: ”Let’s celebrate Columbus day by walking into someone’s house and telling them we live there now.” (I wish I could take credit for this, but I just stole this from a friend, who stole it from a friend, who stole it from a friend… How appropriate.)]
Dear Inventor of Spray Paint,
I love you.
That is all.
Dear Previous Owners,
Really, I’ve gotta know: what were you thinking with that paint job in the back bedroom? All of the walls weren’t even painted the same shade of off-white. And 5 anchors in the wall? Ugh. No comprendo.
Dear Jack Henry,
I love your sweet face, but if you don’t start taking naps with less resistance, there’s gonna be trouble, buddy. Also: can we please just skip this 3-year-old tantrum nonsense? I enjoy it so much more when you’re funny.
It would be super awesome if you could make it rain so that we don’t have to water our lawn incessantly to make the new grass grow.
Dear Dancing with the Stars,
I look forward to watching you more than I should on Monday nights now (I still don’t watch Tuesday night’s show…I just check online to see who left). You have Kurt Warner to thank for that.
Dear Al Gore,
Thank you for being such a smarty and inventing the internet. Where would I be without it?