Sometimes, This is Hard.

I started a post this morning about how I love being a mom. And how I love being a stay-at-home mom. Most of the time.

I included stuff about how despite the fact mentioned above, there are days when I daydream of a job outside the home. Not even something wonderful and glamorous…just something that’s not here, policing behaviors like the following real-life story:

Why, child A, would you think it was a good idea to pee in the same toilet at the same time as child B? And then child B, your solution to the issue was shoving child A into the empty bathtub? Really?

It included commentary on how I can get caught up in remembering the job I used to have, that I liked, but that left me longing to be home more, and left our family in a tizzy more often than not.

It also included thoughts about me being exceedingly grateful for the chance I get to be home with them…I understand it’s a privilege, I really do, but there are days that my mind wanders, and I remember being a girl with aspirations higher than getting to Shop ‘n Save early enough to beat the crowd that will surely be there for the $10 off $50 of groceries today.

I talked about how I’m normally NOT conflicted, that I love what I do even though it’s hard, and in some respects, harder than when I worked outside the home (and in others, obviously, easier). I mean, for reference: what would it be like if you lived with your coworkers? Because I live with mine. I don’t think you’d fault me for occasionally getting sidetracked in a daydream.

And then, as I was wrestling with the guilt over very infrequently wishing I wasn’t a stay-at-home mom, and remembering the guilt I felt when I was a working mom, Jack Henry, from the back of the Target cart, randomly announced,

“I’m lucky to have you, Mom.”

Out of nowhere. For no reason, really.

I blinked back tears, and forged on with the shopping trip.

Someone feels lucky to have me. And he said so.

I’m going to take that as the reassurance I needed that I’m in the right place.

What was I writing about again?

PS…this, of course, does NOT mean that I think kids of working moms aren’t lucky, or anything else that can so easily be misconstrued when the topic of stay-at-home vs. work-outside-the-home moms comes up. This is just me, and where I am, talking about how as a mom, there’s guilt everywhere you turn, no matter what you choose. The end.

18 responses to “Sometimes, This is Hard.

  1. OMGosh…. I JUST told a friend that Moms have so much guilt no matter where we are in our season of motherhood. It’s just another thing no one can really prepare you for.

  2. Honestly, you just wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t have thoughts like what you’ve expressed here! Stay-at-home-moms, as you know, have both the most difficult, often-boring, frustrating jobs on the planet (not to speak of the pay! 😉 ) AND the most rewarding, joy-filled, flexible, & important jobs out there. Many times on the same day. Not every woman can do it, and certainly many can’t do it very well. Like Jill said above, no one can really prepare you for it or even adequately describe it. I don’t think anyone is more in need of prayer than sahm’s (and, believe me when I say you (you specificially) are always on my prayer list)!

    Then along comes JH’s comment that just melts your heart, puts things in perspective, and keeps you truckin’ down the aisle of the store.

    Your boys may not understand how blessed they are to have you at home fulltime, but someday they will. I know Matt is a very fortunate man to have you for a wife and the perfect mom for your kids!!

    You may or may not ever have a job “out there,” but it’s OK to daydream about it, wonder, & wish. All of the women out there are probably doing the same about your job!!

  3. Agree. He’s lucky to have you and you him. What woman doesn’t struggle with wondering if she’s in the right place? Isn’t it a blessing when we get a confirmation like that telling us we’re exactly where we need to be? Excellent post, Nicole!

  4. If I were “Child A” I do believe that “Child B” would have bigger worries than landing in the tub. You are a girl. You are not expected to understand. We take marking our territory much more seriously than the softer gender.

    Oh. Outstanding blog!

    • Hahaha…you’re right! I don’t understand it. I also don’t understand Child A thinking this is a decent idea, when there are 3 other bathrooms in the house and, frankly, multiple trees right outside our back door.

  5. I love the line about living with your coworkers. That cracked me up…and made me nod in total agreement!

  6. Stacia Semple

    I must say that you, like me, seemed to have been blessed with a great mother-in-law. She always knows what to say! They are few and far between!

    I am wrapping up my 12 week maternity leave with the twins and let me tell you….your job as a sahm is much harder than mine “out there.”

    • Thank you, Stacia! I’m the blessed one–God hand-picked Nicole as the perfect wife for Matt and the perfect mom for their 3 boys!

    • She really is fantastic, Stacia (as is yours, I know:)

      Hope you and all 3 kids adjust quickly into a new, smooth, morning routine as you head back to work!

  7. There are also 2 kinds of sahm’s. You are the better kind who is involved with her children and take on the task as a job. I wouldn’t trade the 9 mos. I stayed home with Korry, but thankful for my current “out there” job. Stay at home mothering isn’t for sissys when it’s done right. Hang in there Super Mom – you are an inspiration to those less experienced (me)!

  8. great post. that little sweet JH–God knew what he was doing when he made him your last one!

  9. I’m behind with reading again but just have to say — you are a lucky mom to have boys who can just blurt it out in the sweetest way and really mean it!

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