I started a post this morning about how I love being a mom. And how I love being a stay-at-home mom. Most of the time.
I included stuff about how despite the fact mentioned above, there are days when I daydream of a job outside the home. Not even something wonderful and glamorous…just something that’s not here, policing behaviors like the following real-life story:
Why, child A, would you think it was a good idea to pee in the same toilet at the same time as child B? And then child B, your solution to the issue was shoving child A into the empty bathtub? Really?
It included commentary on how I can get caught up in remembering the job I used to have, that I liked, but that left me longing to be home more, and left our family in a tizzy more often than not.
It also included thoughts about me being exceedingly grateful for the chance I get to be home with them…I understand it’s a privilege, I really do, but there are days that my mind wanders, and I remember being a girl with aspirations higher than getting to Shop ‘n Save early enough to beat the crowd that will surely be there for the $10 off $50 of groceries today.
I talked about how I’m normally NOT conflicted, that I love what I do even though it’s hard, and in some respects, harder than when I worked outside the home (and in others, obviously, easier). I mean, for reference: what would it be like if you lived with your coworkers? Because I live with mine. I don’t think you’d fault me for occasionally getting sidetracked in a daydream.
And then, as I was wrestling with the guilt over very infrequently wishing I wasn’t a stay-at-home mom, and remembering the guilt I felt when I was a working mom, Jack Henry, from the back of the Target cart, randomly announced,
“I’m lucky to have you, Mom.”
Out of nowhere. For no reason, really.
I blinked back tears, and forged on with the shopping trip.
Someone feels lucky to have me. And he said so.
I’m going to take that as the reassurance I needed that I’m in the right place.
What was I writing about again?
PS…this, of course, does NOT mean that I think kids of working moms aren’t lucky, or anything else that can so easily be misconstrued when the topic of stay-at-home vs. work-outside-the-home moms comes up. This is just me, and where I am, talking about how as a mom, there’s guilt everywhere you turn, no matter what you choose. The end.